There were times out there on the highway, when the wind wasn’t particularly blowing an appealing sense of freedom through my hair, that I wondered if I would get to experience motherhood. But, about a million miles of music biz purgatory later… I got to!
These past few months (my baby is 5 months), have been the best months of my life. They’ve also helped me discover a vulnerability that I never knew before. Which, (as you will discover in the coming years), has made me a better artist.
Along with the rite of passage into adulthood I did two years ago, the school I am attending (the Living School at the Center for Action and Contemplation), and my partnership with my soon to be husband, motherhood has matured me in many good ways. This might sound like nothing to those of you practicing maturity for some time, but… I don’t need to have my needs met instantly anymore. When I get frustrated, I can see it happening and call myself on it. I am slowly but surely learning how to remain open and loving while drawing healthy boundaries. Another great addition to my ‘virtue repertoire’ is that I’m not attached to my old story anymore. I will not play the victim for life! Yay! None of these virtues are very old in me and I anticipate what my songwriting will look like as all of this deepens.
We were house-sitting all winter and just moved back into our 160 sq ft tiny house (with 2, 80 sq ft lofts). Interestingly, I feel more contained and able to practice mature choices from one moment to the next. I have been reading a book of the sayings of the early Christian monks and read this morning that Brother Moses once said “go sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” I say to Brother Moses, “yes, but go sit in your cell with your 5 month old, and you will be given the keys to the universe!”
Admittedly, we are in the process of attempting to settle an offer on a 640 sq ft cabin on a lake nearby, as our tiny house is a bit too tiny for a 13 year old daughter on weekends, a 5 month old and the two of us!
I do love how everything has to have its place in such a small space and how little one actually needs to live when it comes right down to it.
I am bubbling up with inspiration for children’s books, for songwriting, for all kinds of writing. And interestingly, just like with the tiny house, with less time to spare, because I spend much quality time with my little guy, I am able to channel it into tighter time slots. (I write this as Oliver naps.)
So, here’s to blossoming maturity and life lessons. May we learn them ever more gracefully as we go. Life would be quite miserable if we didn’t.