It’s true. Nothing says “my life is perfect” like Facebook. The whole social media thing seems to waffle between oversharing (which by the way is now an official word), or more often, if you’re like me… you post the lovely highlights that graced your life for a moment in time before everything imploded a moment later. The flux and flow of child-rearing is a great reminder that, for those of us who believe in incarnation, just because we embrace the divine that permeates us, doesn’t mean our kid doesn’t poop in the pool.
Every time I think of writing an ideological blog, deep down in my heart of hearts, I come back to writing “what I know”. And these days, what I know is yes, I am on tour and about to play a concert in San Antonio at the Oblate School of Theology. But also, yes, I am out in the world with a van and a tear drop trailer with my unbelievably supportive husband and some seriously precious cargo… two marvels we have been asked to steward and care for and protect.
Before we left on this journey, my husband, (who is fond of saying “that will collapse some timeframes”) , and I both said: this is not a holiday, and not even really just an adventure, this is a pilgrimage. A family pilgrimage with our Holy destination being our cosy house in Northern Alberta. And so far, we have been totally right. The beauty of the landscape has not escaped us. We have been present with our children. But there have been times, like… almost everyday so far, where, as a nursing mother, with the hormones raging inside my head in combination with the humidity, my utterly exhausted body and a built-in default for emotional insobriety, I feel like I’m seriously going to lose it. At a concert the other night, someone who met my son said “you’re so lucky to have parents like yours” – and all I could say oh his behalf was “we’re the ones who are lucky… and we’re still putting money in the therapy jar.”
The trip has been ultimately graced so far – but last night, after the kids were both asleep, we made the decision to push reset and walk forward with a fresh tomorrow without shame. Part of the way we were able to push reset is to begin again with chanting the Psalms and reading. We have been remiss in doing our daily offices, something which always helps me to put my feet back on the ground and make way for the better ideas of God, instead of my protective self’s voice winning out, feeling that I’m separate and in need of armour.
So, if you’re out there and you’ve been struggling with the realities of life, knowing that Christ is all in all, but dealing with the embarrassment of scooping out a floater from the pool, remember, that for whatever reason… this is where it goes down. This is where love happens.
As I prepare to perform Sanctuary: Exploring the Healing Path with James Finley in Santa Monica, Ca on Sept 17th, I remember James’ words in one of the songs from the album “For God, there’s nothing missing, in the midst of all the missing pieces, inside of me.” We are all graced. Somehow. This I hope to believe until I release my spirit to see how very much we are indeed.
To watch the live webcast of the Sanctuary concert on Sept 17th click the link below: